Today marks the day of the greatest act of rebellion in the history of Britain. The sheer act of defiance has awed and brought hope to the people of Britain and even, the entire world. The fact that one legend could stand up to the height of tyranny, the very thought that one hero could do what the entirety of Britain could not. Today Larry the Downing Street cat stopped Donald Trumps armoured motorcade by simply sitting underneath Trumps limousine, named the Beast. But nay, the only beast here was a Larry, who has become an icon to the British populace.
Thousands of protesters from across the country today gathered in London in defence of our homeland against the great evil from afar. The British Empire, brought down from the largest force the world had ever seen, to become America’s bitch. Our Prime Minister and our Queen cowered before the behemoth. But not Larry. When our leaders failed us one cat rose up to fight for us, to lead us in glorious victory against the menace! He did not do it with force, or with devious scheming. He simply sat down in quiet and dignified subversive protest against the might of the most powerful puppet on planet earth.
Larry now joins the history of great British rebels, to be on the same level of legends like Guy Fawkes and Oscar Wilde, to leave the same impact on our society and culture not as a human being but as a mere house cat. Perhaps the Egyptians were right in their worship of what we can now clearly see, are higher life forms.
Adding to Larry’s brilliance today is the 30th anniversary of the Tianamen square protests, where an unknown Chinese man stood in front of, and was therefore crushed by an entire column of tanks. Did Larry know this? We shall never know, but if he did it is clear that our feline companions possess intellect beyond what we ever believed.
Praise be! Not to any tyrant God but to the silent action of one creature. The mighty Larry, he who is both cat and some might say, divine. Surely there is some religious significance to this event, while the worship of cats has died out in the modern world, perhaps we were wrong to dismiss these ancient traditions.
Not just the religious but the historical significance of Larry’s actions are hugely important, scholars across the world are marking this day, parents are starting to pass down the story of the lone wanderer who defied an entire security team and stopped a vehicle designed to be impervious to small arms fire and costing one and a half million US dollars. Staring in the face of Donald Trump and refusing to move, an act of resistance that will be remembered for all time. Children of the future will celebrate this day as the day where Britain stood as one, with Larry leading us against the great oppressor.
Speaking of the future, who knows what it may hold. The ramifications of Larry today has the potential to escalate and lead to a great conflict between our two nations, all it takes is for a certain orange cunt in a blonde toupee and shitty suit to take offence and next thing you know political relations worsen, Boris Johnson says the wrong thing like the idiot he is and then it could trigger the start of the Third World War. But for now we hail Larry as the hero he is, yet be wary, for the future is uncertain, and with complete mouth breathers for politicians on both sides of the Atlantic, all it takes is a press of a single button and boom! Humanity as we know it will cease to exist. Perhaps this is the last great victory of our species, the calm before the storm, the beginning of the end.
All hail Larry the Downing Street cat. A hero to us all. You will be remembered for all eternity. For Larry! For the Queen! For England!
Peace, Love and Cowbells,